A Job to be Done

I guess pretty much everyone has taken a driving course at one point or another. But very few people have a driving instructor who teaches them how to crash.

The gossip had it that my teacher had been in the motor trade before he took up driving instruction. Certainly his behaviour during the course would bear this out. When I was driving the preset course, one of his favourite criticisms was that I was too timid. "The motor trade will fail if you never crash your car. Drive a little more aggressively! Take some chances!"

I wondered if it wasn't an effort to make us more confident drivers, but his concern for the well being of the motor trade went beyond what I would consider normal. He advised us that we should buy a new car every two years "to ensure maximum safety on the roads," and he made us memorise the lists of the most stolen cars. I never did figure out why that was so important, but he seemed very adamant about it, so we memorised them until we could recite them by rote.

He seemed delighted when any of his students actually did crash the training car into one of the obstacles, even applauding and rewarding the student in some cases. "Well done," he would shout. "You're no Nervous Nelly, are you?"

Finally, I worked up the nerve to ask him, "What did you do before you got this job?"

"I worked for the government. I would tell you more, but then I fear I would have to eliminate you as a material witness." At first I thought he was joking, but a glance at his face put that notion to rest.

None of us passed our driving practice test. Several people actually hit other vehicles during the course of the test. I heard that our instructor lost his job, and we were all given the course again free of charge the next time it was offered.

And what happened to our driving instructor? I can't say for sure, but I thought I recognised him on the television the other day. He was driving in the Indianapolis 500 car race. And he did not crash.